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There is nothing more heartbreaking than hearing that yet another young girl has had her life completely changed forever by having sex too young, out of wedlock, and giving birth to a child. Oh, wait… there is something more heartbreaking – finding out that there is an 11 year old going through what used to be considered ‘teen parenthood’ … Only now, it has come to light that DNA results have proven that the father of her child is actually her mother’s husband, who has apparently been having sex with his step daughter sometimes as often as three times per week since she was SIX years old. Now, this entire situation has taken on a completely different dynamic. Now, it has reached a new level of heartbreaking.
My heart hurts. My head hurts. My blood is boiling! A few weeks ago, I wrote an article entitled Way Too Much Sex on my blog. Parents are often hesitant to talk to their children about sex – or anything related to it – until they feel their child is old enough. NEWSFLASH: By the time you *think* they are old enough, they’re probably *too* old for “The Talk” because they already know more than what you’re about to tell them. What’s more important than TEACHING your kids about sex itself is actually opening dialog about matters pertaining to it, such as molestation and inappropriate touching. Those are topics your child should NOT be fearful about discussing with you. By never bringing them up, you’re telling them that those aren’t topics you welcome from them… and chances are, if they are ever put in a horrible situation like this girl was, their perpetrator is going to be reaffirming that notion by convincing them that they will get into trouble themselves if they tell.
DO NOT LET SOMEONE TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOUR CHILD because you chose to remain silent. This man was having sex with this little girl for five years. It took her getting pregnant and giving birth at 11 years of age for the truth to come out. Now, not only is she at risk physically from the hormones and other potential damage this pregnancy has exposed her little body to, but she is a mother. Emotionally… mentally… what does that mean in her life right now? What does it mean for her life in 10 years? What will that mean for her child? This man has potentially ruined several lives by his actions. I wonder if he cares about any of them except his own. That is highly doubtful. He’s a sick, twisted animal whose only concern is for his own desires… Unfortunately, there are people like him everywhere.
Parents, no one is going to protect your child like you will. I feel so bad for this little girl. She’s just a year older than my daughter who turned ten yesterday. I cannot imagine the anguish I would feel, knowing that someone had violated her trust in such a way… and knowing that she didn’t trust me enough to help her. Your children are counting on you to keep them safe.
Are you doing all you can to ensure that happens?
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I am so upset I can’t even begin to put my anger into words! I do agree that we should talk to our children about sex before it’s too late. My mom started to talk to me at eight or nine years old. I have a ten year old and thirteen year old daughter that I have spoken to about sex. My thirteen year old actually took sex ed this year in 7th grade. I went through all her lessons with her and we have a good relationship where we can communicate. I hope it doesn’t change too much as she gets older but, I know my child and I always remind her that I was once her age so anything she may try to get away with I’ve probably been there & done that! My heart goes out to that little girl, I can’t even begin to imagine what she must be going through emotionally, mentally and physically! My prayers go out to her. I hope she has the strength and support to overcome this and rise above it.
My prayer for this child is the same. God has a way of extracting miracles from horrible situations.
Tragically, but statistically speaking, not surprisingly, the majority of the cases where young girls become preganant under 13 happen because of incest and molestation. No amount of “the talk” could have stopped what was happening in that house. The error was not on the mother’s part for not discussing sex sooner, but for not being aware of what was going on in her daughter’s life and husband’s mind. Many women will initially say that they never saw it coming, but there were usually subtle warning signs of abuse that these women chose to ignore for the sake of their marriage and own happiness. I don’t know that I will be comfortable speaking to my daughter about sex at that age. I believe children should be allowed to be children for as long as possible. However, as a victim of abuse and a mother who NEVER had the talk with me, I agree whole heartedly that too few parents are raising their own children anymore. It’s a terrible sign of the state our world is in.
You honestly think that if this mother had these discussions with this child that it would not have stopped what was happening in that house??? Seriously? I couldn’t disagree more. I think that it is ludicrous to say that the mother is to blame for not being aware of what was going on, but couldn’t have made a difference by talking with her daughter about what is and is not appropriate and instilling in her the understanding that she can ALWAYS talk to her mom about ANYTHING. It takes something being revealed for a person to be aware of something. You can’t put a muzzle on the child and expect that to remove a blindfold from the mom. It’s not going to happen that way. It’s easy to say there are “subtle” warning signs, but most people don’t recognize them as warning signs until AFTER they have the realization that something happened. Hindsight is always 20/20.
If you are not going to be comfortable speaking with your child about sex or inappropriate adult behavior at that age, you could potentially be putting your child in danger or at very least putting her at a huge disadvantage. That is my very strong opinion. You may want your child to be a child for as long as possible – I think we ALL want that, but not providing our girls with essential knowledge for their own safety is not going to maintain their childhood or their innocence. It will only ensure that they remain naive. Unless you plan to homeschool and have your child with you 24 hours a day in order to shield her from society, you keeping information about sex from her only means that she will be receiving the wrong information from sources you can’t trust.
I have four daughters ages 19 months, 4, 7, and 10 and I have an 8 year old son. I also have the experience of my own childhood and adolescence. Please believe me when I tell you that they know MUCH more than you think they do – and most of it is inaccurate and paints a picture much different than what you would like them to have about matters of sex. If you don’t create the foundation, you are going to be too late. I hope you will think about it more… Being truthful and proactive with your children doesn’t take their childhood from them. It only makes their childhood safer for them.