Posts Tagged ‘family’

Last week I talked about holding back. I made up my mind to move forward with my life and not hold myself back any longer.  I hope you did as well!  Did you move forward or did you keep holding on to your own insecurities?  I moved. I bought the domain name for my new blog and have been working on the design.  I checked into going back to school.  I made up my mind to not let negativity get the better of me.

In short, I met the challenge.  I have dreams and it’s high time I stopped just letting the world pass me by.  I love my children, I love my husband-and I’m sure they love me as well.  I always want better for them.  I want them to experience true happiness. Why shouldn’t I want the same for myself?

I know as moms we often give up or postpone our dreams for the sake of our families.  I’m not asking you to give up your family for the sake of your dreams-I’m simply asking you to find what makes you happy and pursue it.  Maybe your dream has changed over the years.  Mine has.  I didn’t pay attention to the nagging inside though-instead I tried to quiet it down.  You know the old saying “If mama ain’t happy no one’s happy…”?  It’s the truth.

What’s your dream?

Did you meet the challenge?  Will you?

“Clean Your Room”

“But…MOOOOOOOOM?!?!”

“I said clean your room. NOW.”

Reluctantly they all do an about-face and trudge back to their rooms.  Most of the time I can ignore that little voice deep inside that says

“Hey…you know…your room isn’t exactly neat and organized.”

Most of the time.

Sometimes it really gets to me though.  I’m not what most would consider well-organized.  I don’t have the cutesy little baskets with their little labels all lined in a row.  I bought the cutesy baskets and now they are sitting under a pile of junk in my closet. I don’t always put my shoes on the little shoe tree that I just had to have.  And bed-making?  Don’t even get me started.  I don’t think I have made our bed (aside from when the sheets are freshly washed) more than 5 times the entire time my husband and I have been together.

I expect a great deal out of my children.  I expect a 10, 7, and 3 year old (not the baby) to be able to keep toys off their floor when they aren’t playing with them.  I expect them to wipe the toothpaste out of the sink.  I expect them to put their shoes in their respective hanging shoe thing-a-ma-jiggers. I do let them slide on making their beds because hey…I can’t stand to make the bed myself.  It just might kill me.

Recently I had a revelation.  Maybe the reason my children resist cleaning and organizing the way they do is (in part) because I’m not exactly modeling the skills I so desperately want them to have.  Come to think of it my parents weren’t very neat/organized either.  (Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not blaming my parents) I look around my house and though I know I’m more neat and organized than my parents were I’m nowhere near what I’d like to be.

My question becomes-does this make me a hypocrite?  I’m telling my children to do things that I struggle with (and sometimes blatantly fail to do).  Yet I expect them to do certain things.  I don’t belittle them when they fail to do them or act like I’m perfect but I still expect it.  Am I the only one who (as a parent) feels like I’ve become my mother?  “Do as I say, not as I do” was something I never wanted to say to my children.  I still haven’t-but don’t I say it with my actions?

Is there a certain amount of hypocrisy that comes with the parenting gig?  Do you think I’m neurotic and over complicating things or do you struggle with this too? If you have some strategies to help a disorganized woman become organized I’d love to hear those as well.  Until then I’ll be here…trying to unearth those cutesy baskets.

From what little I’ve actually paid attention to in the overbearing Tiger Woods saga, I think the mistress tally is up to 12 and there’s a *breaking news* story surrounding the situation like literally every five minutes. I get that he’s a celebrity. I get that everyone is oh-so-shocked that golf’s “good boy” has numerous “transgressions” of this type and magnitude… I get it. But seriously people… does no one have their own life anymore? The media has become more vicious with time and not only are the gossip columns overrun with these distasteful, blood thirsty stories but now it’s trickled over into the evening news. Here’s a newsflash for you:

THIS IS NOT NEWS!

How many soldiers died today? How many starving children lost another parent to AIDS in yet another underdeveloped country? How many women were raped, banks were robbed, charities established, acts of humanity carried out? How many little old ladies turned 100 today? I don’t want to know anything else about “where in the world is Tiger’s willy wonka?!”

One of society’s main problems is that no one knows how to mind their own business… I think the fact that bad things are happening in other people’s lives allows the vultures of our culture to allow the distraction of faking disgust with “things like this” to take their minds off of how screwed up their own situation is. Happy people do not delight in the suffering of others. Period. Furthermore, if all your attention goes to other people’s business, who is taking care of what you’re supposed to be focused on? Who is minding YOUR business??

People… let it go. Ok, everyone in the WORLD now knows that Tiger Woods slept with a bunch of white women… everyone needs to ask themselves now that they know, how has their life been made more complete? Since the Woods family’s private issues have been made material for public consumption and their problems have been compounded by opinion columns abroad, DO YOU REALLY EVEN CARE?!

… And for clarification, I specified “white” women because this *story* has now reopened this age old debate about what everyone and their mother thinks about interracial relationships. Here’s the second newsflash:

ANYONE THAT IS IN AN INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIP
OBVIOUSLY COULDN’T POSSIBLY CARE LESS ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK.

So, yes… there it is. The number two reason for my irritation about this entire issue (number one being the fact that it’s not anyone’s business but Tiger’s and Elin’s… and of course the other 12 women, but eh…): Why does a person’s *type* only come into question when RACE is involved? Seriously… why does it even matter? I don’t care who resents it, who thinks it’s wrong, or who has an opinion on *why* people date outside their race. At the end of the day, point number on still applies: it’s none of your business.

So, you tell me:

1. Does being a public figure justify your personal life being blasted all over the news like this? I mean, at what point does a person’s personal life become… well, not personal anymore? Does ANYONE really see this as being fair?
2. Do you contribute to this feeding frenzy? By this, I am asking if it excites you to read about the demise of other couples. I find it unfortunate that a family can’t work through their issues without having magazines poll the country as to whether they think the couple’s relationship is “worth” saving. That’s sick.
3. What – if anything – are your thoughts about the relevance of Tiger’s *choice* in women? I mean, adultery is adultery regardless of if the women are white, black, asian, or horses, correct?!

I think if I had to contribute ANY thoughts to the situation, the only thing I would ask is, “Did NONE of these athletes learn from Steve McNair’s affair??” Just sayin…

Ok, so we’ve all at least heard about Jon & Kate Plus 8, right? I’m not going to get too deep into any specifics about this family – mainly because I think it would be rather difficult to be original since every website, magazine, gossip column, and tabloid known to man has covered every possible angle of all the juicy bits of drama surrounding this worn out, over-publicized, privacy-starved, now separated “family” – and I use that term very loosely. I use them as an example simply because they are the best known in the series of family reality TV “stars” – a term which I also use extremely loosely. I know they’ve faced an immense amount of criticism, but being a rational, intelligent, well-meaning parent myself… I have to ask myself if they reeeeeaaallly weighed the pros and cons of this whole thing prior to jumping head first into this circus! I mean, can we honestly think we’re not kidding ourselves to believe sticking a NATIONAL network of cameras into an already chaotic life in the midst of a family with eight children can EVER be a good thing? Let’s look at this briefly just touching the high points.

1. Marriage is hard. Even couples who have NO children have added stress after they get married. There’s figuring out how to effectively blend yourself into this new “oneness” without losing yourself in the process and then of course you find out all these new things about your partner you never were previously aware of which sincerely irritate the CRAP out of you… Just living with another person, sharing all your – well, everything – with them (in my case, even my toothbrush, unbeknownst to me – *gag*) and I mean, face it – it’s definitely got its draw backs. Don’t get me wrong. Marriage is a beautiful thing. I LOVE my husband and wouldn’t dream of changing one thing about my life, but I also wouldn’t dream of adding cameras to it either. Just sayin…
2. Parenting is hard. Parents who have planned out every aspect of their pregnancy from conception to delivery and every idea of how they believe their family is going to operate soon find out that once they actually get into implementing those plans, they wasted a pretty great deal of time. LOL Seriously, there is nothing more UNpredictable and impossible to plan for than parenthood. Actually, it’s rough enough just planning ONE family outing. Planning your entire LIFE? Forget about it. Now, keeping that in mind… let’s try convincing ourselves that it’s not going to complicate things to have like, oh I don’t know 60 MILLION people (?!?!?!) judging and critiquing your every interaction with not only your spouse but also your children and then discussing how they could do it like 10 times better than you – on the NEWS. Yeah, that’s not gonna hurt a THING. Psh.
3. Life is hard. One thing you MUST have to keep things flowing properly in a marriage/family is mutual respect. You cannot attempt to belittle someone especially in the company of others and that end up being okay. Not. Gonna. Happen. When you allow an entire NATION into your home, there are going to be consequences – and the NATION isn’t going to experience them. They’ll just watch while you do.
4. Resources get limited, but hard work pays off. I do realize that in keeping with life being hard, a family this large is obviously going to have financial needs. My husband and I have 5 kids. That’s not quite EIGHT *whoa* but hey, close enough. Is it easy? HECK no. Is it super expensive? Uh, DUH. Do we have hard times? PLENTY! But, we make it… and not only do we get stronger in the process, but we get closer and we develop even more of an appreciation for one another through all the bumps we face. Easy outs to problem situations almost always have high prices to pay. If participating in the show was purely for financial gain, they got it. But at what price? And, let’s just point out here that if you *choose* to have a family this size, then obviously there should be a plan in place that doesn’t lead to its inevitable breakup.

What’s my point? Well, quite simply: family is a very complex, unique, and valuable personal AND social structure. It requires a certain finesse … there are no rule books, instruction manuals, or perfected methods at creating – or maintaining – a successful family. But one thing I can probably bank on is the fact that when you open your family up to the opinions, criticisms, and observation of others, it’s only going to affect you negatively. (Unless of course we’re talking about a marriage counselor; that’s a totally different ballgame.) People don’t have your best interests at heart. People do not care if you stay together or break apart. All they care about is entertainment. You have to consider how decisions you make are going to affect the entirety of your family unit right down to its finest, most fragile fibers not just immediately but how those decisions will impact you years down the road.

While I do enjoy reality TV (because, let’s face it – watching other people is intriguing… we all wanna know how other people function, right?) I will be the first one to say that I can’t see anything helpful about allowing media into your private family life. If money is your only concern and you’re willing to chance – at best – the possibility of some serious confusion in your life, then by all means – go for it. But if you value your marriage and your family, when it comes to benefits of families in the media – not so much. This is of course just my opinion, which doesn’t make it “law” and doesn’t mean it’s right. It is just what *I* think about the way families should respect their OWN privacy enough to not risk inviting problems in by compromising it.

What do YOU think?

When I first became a mom, nervousness set over me. I had no idea what to expect. I didn’t know where to start. I literally poured over every book to try and learn whatever I could.

Four kids later I am here to say that no parenting book can prepare you for raising your children. Especially when you have a house full of boys. (In my case, four to be exact.)

They don’t give you the good, the bad and the ugly. Like how to realistically stop sibling rivalry or how to remove permanent marker from skin. (In my case, I had to wait about three days and several bath soakings later.) They sugar coat how tiring, stressful and depressing parenting can be sometimes. And they fail to highlight how exciting and rejuvenating and energizing parenting can be at the same time.

I love all of my boys equally. They bring me so much joy, and to say that parenting has saved my life would be an understatement.

Follow me on my journey as I blog about the good, the bad, and the ugly of my parenting experiences living in a “house full of blue” parenting all boys (which include my fiance as well).