People today live very busy lives. We no longer have time in between chasing children, fixing meals, carpools, sports and all the other “important” things in life for the “small stuff”. Things begin to slip. Maybe the house cleaning gets set aside for a bit. Maybe we shoo our kids away to catch up on the neighborhood gossip. Possibly we don’t take time to sit and have a real conversation with our spouses. Those little things we used to find so endearing about our partners are the ones that now drive us to the verge of insanity.

That’s when you know your proverbial marriage jug is going “clankety-cling-clack” instead of “plink”. A marriage is just like that jug. If you neglect it and don’t add anything to it the jug will never fill. It’s empty and probably won’t get you very far should you need it. You have to find the time to drop a few coins in now and then. I’d like to give you some pointers and pick your brain as well. Kind of a you show me yours and I’ll show you mine thing. I’ll give you some ideas as to things to try and maybe you’ll do the same.

• Have a date night. Maybe it’s once a week, once a month…whatever you can manage. Hubby and I do this every Monday. Mondays always stink anyway right? We try to make it stink less by setting time aside for “date night”. We send the kids to bed early and eat takeout at the coffee table. We may watch a movie or just have good conversation.
• Remember what it was like when you first fell in love? Do some of the same things!! Chase each other around the house with a tickle threat-or get more creative!
• Be adventurous. Maybe there’s something you used to dream of doing together but gave up on? Try it!! Be it a new restaurant, a weekend getaway… or acting on a fantasy. Don’t be timid — spice up your life!!

Thoughts?  Suggestions?

What do you do to keep your marriage
alive and kicking?

When my husband comes home from work, I don’t run to the door to greet him, I know I should. I know I would get excited to see my husband run to greet me when I got home, if I worked, just like our children do to him. If you run to greet your husband after he gets home from work, you are telling him that he is important to you!

I think, “My husband could have gone a hundred different places tonight. There are tons of women out there who would like to have him. But, he has chosen to come home to me. He’s coming through that door to me.”

Is it going to hurt me any to tell him I’m happy he’s home, I’m thankful he’s worked hard all day and provided for this home, for me, for my children?

My husband and I fall into the trap of calling, texting, or sharing as soon as he gets home from work the bad parts of our day. This is another thing that needs to be changed. When I have been at home with the kids all day by myself, I am so happy to see another adult who can take care of these children for me but I need to learn to let him have 15 minutes to unwind, and we should not share the negative parts of our day as soon as we see each other – that can wait until after dinner.

Some of my favorite quotes over the years about marriage:

• All marriages aren’t happy; living together is tough.
• A good marriage is not a gift; it’s an achievement by God’s grace.
• Marriage is not for children; it takes guts and maturity.
• Marriage separates the men from the boys and the women from the girls.
• Marriage is tested daily by the ability to compromise.
• Marriage is giving and, more importantly, forgiving.
• With all its ups and downs, marriage is still God’s object lesson of Jesus and the church.
• Through submission to one another we can witness to the world that marriage works and is still alive.
• Marriage is worth dying for. If we give it proper honor, we will be honored by our children, our families, our neighbors, our friends, and best of all, our Lord.

Tell me, are you a good wife?

Are you doing everything you can be doing to make your husband like to come home to you… to be happy he married you?

THIS IS NOT NEWS!

How many soldiers died today? How many starving children lost another parent to AIDS in yet another underdeveloped country? How many women were raped, banks were robbed, charities established, acts of humanity carried out? How many little old ladies turned 100 today? I don’t want to know anything else about “where in the world is Tiger’s willy wonka?!”

One of society’s main problems is that no one knows how to mind their own business… I think the fact that bad things are happening in other people’s lives allows the vultures of our culture to allow the distraction of faking disgust with “things like this” to take their minds off of how screwed up their own situation is. Happy people do not delight in the suffering of others. Period. Furthermore, if all your attention goes to other people’s business, who is taking care of what you’re supposed to be focused on? Who is minding YOUR business??

People… let it go. Ok, everyone in the WORLD now knows that Tiger Woods slept with a bunch of white women… everyone needs to ask themselves now that they know, how has their life been made more complete? Since the Woods family’s private issues have been made material for public consumption and their problems have been compounded by opinion columns abroad, DO YOU REALLY EVEN CARE?!

… And for clarification, I specified “white” women because this *story* has now reopened this age old debate about what everyone and their mother thinks about interracial relationships. Here’s the second newsflash:

ANYONE THAT IS IN AN INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIP
OBVIOUSLY COULDN’T POSSIBLY CARE LESS ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK.

So, yes… there it is. The number two reason for my irritation about this entire issue (number one being the fact that it’s not anyone’s business but Tiger’s and Elin’s… and of course the other 12 women, but eh…): Why does a person’s *type* only come into question when RACE is involved? Seriously… why does it even matter? I don’t care who resents it, who thinks it’s wrong, or who has an opinion on *why* people date outside their race. At the end of the day, point number on still applies: it’s none of your business.

So, you tell me:

1. Does being a public figure justify your personal life being blasted all over the news like this? I mean, at what point does a person’s personal life become… well, not personal anymore? Does ANYONE really see this as being fair?
2. Do you contribute to this feeding frenzy? By this, I am asking if it excites you to read about the demise of other couples. I find it unfortunate that a family can’t work through their issues without having magazines poll the country as to whether they think the couple’s relationship is “worth” saving. That’s sick.
3. What – if anything – are your thoughts about the relevance of Tiger’s *choice* in women? I mean, adultery is adultery regardless of if the women are white, black, asian, or horses, correct?!

I think if I had to contribute ANY thoughts to the situation, the only thing I would ask is, “Did NONE of these athletes learn from Steve McNair’s affair??” Just sayin…

The year of 2008 was a busy time for us. We married in January, welcomed our precious baby boy in June and bought our first house in October. Things seemed perfect. This is the life every woman could dream of.

Well, on the outside.

Fast forward to July 2009. It is a warm, summer afternoon, I was just home from work. My husband was picking up the baby boy from daycare and I was sitting on the porch excited for them to come home. He sat down next to me on the porch and said, “This isn’t working, I want a divorce.” We had only been married a little over a year and a half. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. So we pretended to be working things out for another month until we couldn’t pretend any longer. He came home one evening and said he was moving out and so began the shuffle of trying to provide some normalcy in our precious boy’s life.

We tried marriage counseling, but both parties have to be willing. Sure I’m a flawed individual, but I sure wasn’t the one who drove this ship into the ground; yet I was the only one fighting. I fasted, I prayed, and one day God spoke. He said:

“Go home.”

So, I’m here in New Mexico. After being on the east coast for the past 7 years, after establishing a life in Baltimore, I’m home in New Mexico. I have no clue what will happen today or tomorrow, let alone 5 years down the line, but I know that when God spoke to me, I listened.

The pieces to a broken heart can be mended. This is all fresh to me. I’ve only been home for 3 weeks. So I’m not sitting on a soapbox saying get over it. I’m still hurting, but I am also healing. My focus shifted from trying to please my husband, who had left our marriage long before he physically left the house, to pleasing God and making sure my son experiences joy everyday. He is so sweet and my life is devoted to making sure he has everything he needs.

I hold no bitterness towards my husband for what he has done. I pray for his healing as well because I want him to be a fantastic father to our son. Why hold on to hurt and anger when we are tied together for the rest of our lives by a blessing from God? I will let my son’s innocence and his love be my daily reminder that God is love, and we should always operate in love.

So, before the divorce papers are filed and the possible custody battle begins, I’m letting go of all hurt and anger, because we have a little boy to raise – although 2,000 miles apart – together.